We tend to get quite serious on this blog, discussing all the best ways to grow your beard and the best tools to use, but it’s hard not to sneak in a few cheeky beard puns or jokes, so here is a complete ramble of every beard joke we can think of!
- This is not just a beard…It’s a passport to awesome
- I love you with all my beard. I’d say heart, but my beard is much bigger
- You call it a beard. I call it magnificence escaping through my face
- In the presence of a woman, a gentleman removes his hat. In the presence of a beard, a woman removes her clothes
- Beards are like tequila, they’ll make your clothes fall off
- Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the amount of beards that take our breath away
- I don’t always attempt no-shave November, but when I do, I look like someone who’s legally banned from living near a school
- The only kind of person who cannot pull off facial hair, regardless of its shape, style and size is a woman
- I don’t work out much, by my beard lifts skirts
- Remember, unlike other parts of you, your beard can be as long as you’d like it to be
- There are two kinds of people without beards, boys and women, I am neither
- Who shaves up to 10 times per day and still has an awesome beard? The barber
- Warning! If you touch the beard, I will not be held responsible for the sudden loss of panties
- Without a beard, he’s your boyfriend. With a beard, he’s your man
- I used to hate facial hair…But then it grew on me
- Shaving, it’s for pussies, literally
- Never bring a moustache to a beard fight
- Not everyone can be bearded…Someone has to stand at the side and clap as men with beards go by
- A man does not grow a beard. A beard grows a man
- Winter is coming…So are the santa beard jokes
- Beards…Pretty much the only thing guys are comfortable complementing each other on
- I was thinking of getting rid of the beard. But I’ve had it so long that at this point it makes the decisions for me
- If your works asks you to shave, tell them it’s against your religion. If they ask what religion, tell them ‘Man’
- My beard eats beards like yours for breakfast
- When I was a young boy my father taught me how to be a man. He took me into the bathroom, picked up a razor and ate it
- Excuse me, my eyes are up here!
- Isn’t your beard annoying in the summer? No, manliness is not seasonal
- I totally understand, a beard would not complement the feminine look you are going for. Keep shaving
- Saying you have a beard when you don’t makes you a bald-faced liar
- It’s good to have beardless friends. When you go out, everyone assumes you’re their leader
- When people ask me if my beard makes me hot in the summer, I tell them it makes me hot all year long
- Men don’t cry, they water their beards
- Sometimes I think about shaving, but then I think “Nah, I like my legs the way they are” and then I go back to hugging my beard
- Why are you so defensive? I’m not saying your clean shaven face makes you less of a man. You just look like less of a man
- Dear Disney, why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
- Your mum is so old, she knew Gandalf before he had a beard
- Facial hair that is only found under the lower lip is known as a soul patch. Facial hair that only grows in spots on the neck is known as pitiful
- One time I asked myself what would Jesus do? Then I grew a beard
- 55% of men from around the world can be seen sporting a beard or facial hair. The other 45% can be seen glaring jealously over
- Do you want your beard to grow thicker? Man up. If that doesn’t work then you probably didn’t do it right
- A dog is man’s best friend. A beard is man’s best wingman
- I won’t be shaving this November, in order to raise awareness for how lazy I am
- When is your beard too long? When the comments turn from “Hey! I really like your beard!” into “Sorry I have no spare change”
- I learned that if you follow a man with a beard, he will lead you to a panel discussion on increasing your social media presence
Chuck Norris Beard Jokes
- Behind Chuck’s beard there is no chin, only another fist
Because Chuck only needs one joke!