Beard Jokes

25 Mar, 2019

We tend to get quite serious on this blog, discussing all the best ways to grow your beard and the best tools to use, but it’s hard not to sneak in a few cheeky beard puns or jokes, so here is a complete ramble of every beard joke we can think of!

This is not just a beard…It’s a passport to awesome
I love you with all my beard. I’d say heart, but my beard is much bigger
You call it a beard. I call it magnificence escaping through my face
In the presence of a woman, a gentleman removes his hat. In the presence of a beard, a woman removes her clothes
Beards are like tequila, they’ll make your clothes fall off
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the amount of beards that take our breath away
I don’t always attempt no-shave November, but when I do, I look like someone who’s legally banned from living near a school
The only kind of person who cannot pull off facial hair, regardless of its shape, style and size is a woman
I don’t work out much, by my beard lifts skirts
Remember, unlike other parts of you, your beard can be as long as you’d like it to be
There are two kinds of people without beards, boys and women, I am neither
Who shaves up to 10 times per day and still has an awesome beard? The barber
Warning! If you touch the beard, I will not be held responsible for the sudden loss of panties
Without a beard, he’s your boyfriend. With a beard, he’s your man
I used to hate facial hair…But then it grew on me
Shaving, it’s for pussies, literally
Never bring a moustache to a beard fight
Not everyone can be bearded…Someone has to stand at the side and clap as men with beards go by
A man does not grow a beard. A beard grows a man
Winter is coming…So are the santa beard jokes
Beards…Pretty much the only thing guys are comfortable complementing each other on
I was thinking of getting rid of the beard. But I’ve had it so long that at this point it makes the decisions for me
If your works asks you to shave, tell them it’s against your religion. If they ask what religion, tell them ‘Man’
My beard eats beards like yours for breakfast
When I was a young boy my father taught me how to be a man. He took me into the bathroom, picked up a razor and ate it
Excuse me, my eyes are up here!
Isn’t your beard annoying in the summer? No, manliness is not seasonal
I totally understand, a beard would not complement the feminine look you are going for. Keep shaving
Saying you have a beard when you don’t makes you a bald-faced liar
It’s good to have beardless friends. When you go out, everyone assumes you’re their leader
When people ask me if my beard makes me hot in the summer, I tell them it makes me hot all year long
Men don’t cry, they water their beards
Sometimes I think about shaving, but then I think “Nah, I like my legs the way they are” and then I go back to hugging my beard
Why are you so defensive? I’m not saying your clean shaven face makes you less of a man. You just look like less of a man
Dear Disney, why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Your mum is so old, she knew Gandalf before he had a beard
Facial hair that is only found under the lower lip is known as a soul patch. Facial hair that only grows in spots on the neck is known as pitiful
One time I asked myself what would Jesus do? Then I grew a beard
55% of men from around the world can be seen sporting a beard or facial hair. The other 45% can be seen glaring jealously over
Do you want your beard to grow thicker? Man up. If that doesn’t work then you probably didn’t do it right
A dog is man’s best friend. A beard is man’s best wingman
I won’t be shaving this November, in order to raise awareness for how lazy I am
When is your beard too long? When the comments turn from “Hey! I really like your beard!” into “Sorry I have no spare change”
I learned that if you follow a man with a beard, he will lead you to a panel discussion on increasing your social media presence